Seeking for Lost Innocence
by Annalisae
Summary: I gently caress your head, I feel you, as you were before. As you were before that terrible night on your first year, the night that ruined everything. Nobody listened to you since than, Ginny. Nobody, apart from me. GW/RL


**Author's Note:** Usually I am a Lucius/Ginny convinced, but this flashfic just came out of the blue and I had to write it, because I felt the pressure to do it. I hope you'll like it. The scene is set in Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters of J. K. Rowling (fk).  


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**Seeking for lost innocence**

F_lashfic_

You had always kept your hair long, smooth and red, they always reflected the sun, in beautiful different lights. So, why have you cut them?  
You've always smiled, an innocent, pure, beautiful smile of braveness and pride, Griffindor pride, somebody said it was because you were a Weasley, but I prefer to think it was a girl's pride. Where is it now, your smile?  
Don't wear those clothes, please, don't do that. They don't fit with your innocence. You're just a girl, Ginny Weasley, a girl of 13 years. Don't put that little skirt on, that covers nothing.  
Why are you doing that?  
I left you that morning of two years ago and you were that pure little girl and now, look at you. Your eyes have grown up. They are mature, full of emotions you cannot even understand. Those great green irises are wide... sadly wide.  
Arthur and Molly told me you were "different". I wouldn't have believed them, and I would have never unless I had seen you.  
And now that I have, now that you're in front of me, I can understand, more than what your parents have.  
Don't lie to me, Ginny. I know why you've become what you have.  
Don't lie to me, I know what Tom did to you.

"Ginny, stay in class, please." I say the most gently I'm able to.

But you look at me with anger in your eyes. Anger that burns in your green eyes like fire in an open field. Don't lool at me like that, I want to help, I want to heal.  
As all your classmates leave the room, I stand up, while you're sitting on the desk, with your legs spread. That's not nice. You look bored, bored because inside yourself you know what I'm going to say, what I'm going to ask you. But what you don't know is that inside that barrier you built around you, there is the innocence of the Ginny Weasley I'm searching for. You're not aggressive, you're not that kind of person.  
Your classmates say what all the school says. I've even heard from Ron the same voice. They say you're a "bitch". I'm sure that's a lie. I know you're not how they're painting you.  
You are the beautiful, nice and innocence Ginny Weasley I've always known. Don't care what the others say.

"What do you want?"  
Since when your voice is so throaty and deep? Since when your tone is so aggressive? Ginny, please... Don't let Tom win. He's already taken too much from you.  
"Why do you behave like this?" I ask looking in your deep green eyes.  
"How am I behaving?" you ask arrogantly crossing your arms on your chest.  
"Please..." I reply coldly "Don't treat me as a fool. You can be able to fool your parents, or Ron, or the Twins, but you won't be able to fool me, and you know."  
You don't reply, just stare at me, but the smirk there was on your face is gone. Your full red lips are now relaxed, that's better.  
"Ok, then."  
I approciate slowly, Ginny, I'm so sorry of what had happened, I'm so terribly sorry and I feel so helpless... I want the little Ginny I've once known back.  
"Why, Ginny?"  
You look away from me, does it hurt too much? Have you ever told anybody what's happened to you? I'm not so sure you did. But someone must know, who?  
"What's happened two years ago?" That's the question, isn't it? Your greatest fear, your greatest nightmare.  
I can see your chest moving faster, I can see your noustrils move erratically. Don't look away from me, Ginny. Don't lie to yourself and don't lie to me. We are bond, you know.  
Your body is now fully rigid, a moment before was sure and relaxed on the desk, arrogantly posed.  
The truth hurts, everbody knows that.

"Why me?" your voice shakes, you shake.

Only few know that life hurts for the most, even more than death.  
"It could have happened to anybody, but it has happened to me...!" you cry out loud, tears are forming in the corner of your eyes. I can feel your rage, your frustration and desperation all inside of me, your emotions are filling my body. "Why, Remus? I was just 11... I was just a girl!"  
I would like to close my eyes, I would like to be imagining all this, but I would deny the truth, the reality. I know it's not fair. So I force my eyes on you, and I look at you, you Ginny, you little silly girl. Why you? I don't know, it's life.  
That's not the first time you prononunce this sentence, is it? No, I can remember very well the time you were shouting against me, scared, lying on the forest. I know, I remember, I felt the rage like I feel it now, but now it's not me who's responsible for your hurt. And I blame myself for not have stood up for you and have not supported you.

"I..." I clear my throat "I don't know."

You look disappointed, what did you expect, an explanation? I don't have it. People suffer. There are some that live the most beautiful life on earth, and others that live hell though they're alive.  
"But it has happened Remus!!" you shout, you're angry, let your range come out, don't keep everything inside yourself, you've already done it for too much. It's time to change.  
"And it ruined my life..." you whisper giving me your back and walking towards the window.  
"It has not."  
You turn around, and that's pure hate what I see in your eyes. I distinguish the flames of rage burning inside of you. But it is the only way. Don't hate me, Ginny. I want to heal, I want to help.  
"What did you say?" you murmur staring at me incredously.  
"I mean what I said." I repeat standing up. "He did what he did, but you reacted on your own choice."  
Your body's shaking, stop yourself. I can see disappointement in your eyes, I can recognize it, but trust me, Ginny, I want to help. I'm not gonna hurt you. And I keep my promises, you know.

"He's taken s-something..." you close your eyes, searching for the strenght to carry on. "He's taken my intimacy, when I was 11..." you're speaking clearly, with no hesitation "I don't know if you'll ever understand."

"I know I can't see anymore the Ginny everybody was so in love with. I know there's no light anymore in your eyes, there's no life in you. You've become a stupid arrogant girl." My tone is harsh, and I know.  
"Are you blaming me for this?" you ask incredously, desperation on your face. "Do you know what it meant to me?... What it really meant, I'm serious Remus, I felt my world collide on my own feet. I felt I were alone forever and..." Tears are running down your face, let them fall, don't stop them. That's good to cry, come on. You close your mouth and let your head fall on your neck.  
"And what?" I ask coldly hating myself for behaving like this, but it's the only way. I keep saying this sentence in my head hoping it will work.  
"And it happened as I feared. Nobody helped me, nobody. Noone saw what happened to me, neither my parents!" Merlin, why did it happen to her? Will anybody hear my cry? "I-i... tried to speak to mum about this, but... She never listens..." You start shaking again, I'd like to take you in my arms, but I have to wait, it's not the right time.  
"I couldn't speak to dad," You're speaking more to yourself than to me "He would have died, and my brothers would have never understood. I couldn't speak to anybody..." You conclude shaking your head.

"You should have come to me." I state calmly.

You turn around, facing me. You look destroyed, but I prefer this look on your face, than the arrogant stupid one I saw before. There's still hate there, why?  
"You? I waited for you to enter in my house since the day Tom violated me!" you shout so loud I fear anybody heard you. "You knew, you knew everything and now it's your time not to lie, say it, say it that you knew!" you exclaim making me jumping in surprise. What are you talking about?  
"I don't know..."  
"No, no Remus..." you stop me before I can finish "I know about our "connection." I know about it since the day you bit me."  
So you do remember... You know what happened that night, even though I obliviated your memory because your parents asked me to. I didn't hurt you, like I promised, I would never be able to hurt you. It wasn't full moon so my bite wasn't contagious. But I feel as I hurt you even now. I feel you screming and struggling under me. I can remember it clearly, and I feel like _him_, I feel like Tom.  
You're staring at me, waiting for some answers probably I don't have. I'm sorry, I've been a foolish.  
"It has been all confused," I say slowly "I didn't know wether it were your emotions or mine, I don't know." I'm trying to explain, I know it's difficult. "I couldn't understand because that night," you shiver "I was transformed, so I..."  
I stop myself and I look at you. I should have understood. I knew something was not right, I knew. I'm sorry.  
But there's something in your eyes now, I don't know how it has come out, it's a light, a brighten green that shines in your irises. I feel gratitude inside of me, but it's not mine, it's yours. Have you finally understood?

I took two steps towards you, but you shiver, you're scared. I can feel you.  
_I'm not going to hurt you._ I say clearly in your mind and I feel your muscles relax a bit.  
_I'm not like Tom_... I try to say, but as I think about this sentence I feel I am a little bit like Tom, I ruined her life, I could have come in help, but I did not.  
_But now you're here._  
Is it you in my head? Now I recognize the hot, calm, warm voice, your voice, Ginny's voice.  
"You listened to me" you say with tears on your cheeks.  
"I did," I reply stepping closer and slowly embracing you.  
As my warm body tightens on yours, I feel you inside of me relaxing, I feel your mind clear the barrier that you had built and I feel your heart beating on my chest. With your tears on me, you're letting down all your rage and hate and I'm so glad for it.  
I gently caress your head, I feel you, as you were before. As you were before that terrible night on your first year, the night that ruined everything. Nobody listened to you since than, Ginny. Nobody, apart from me.  
That's why you look at me and finally you smile.  
And I'm glad to see your lost innocence between those red fully lips.

**The End**


End file.
